I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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