the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize