i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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