My sheets look like a crime scene.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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