shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
