I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
