Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They took my balls.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
