He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
