She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
