Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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