cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize