hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
