Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
