i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
