She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
