Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
