I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize