I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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