I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
