It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
