I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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