The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
