so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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