Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
