i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
