Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
