Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize