Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
