We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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