So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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