A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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