I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
