Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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