I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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