Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
