she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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