This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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