My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
