Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
