Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
