My friends, they love my intelligence
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
