She announced her abortion via fbk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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