Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
40s are totally the cure
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
