My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
