i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
