i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
