I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
