with your own penis?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
