So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize