I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I love you. Go after that dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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