he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
