just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we're making bets on your personal life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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