I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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