She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
