so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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