Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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