I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
