last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
