I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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