I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
