I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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