I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
