So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had sex on a dog bed..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
