Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize