Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
