My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
