Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
