not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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