it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
