Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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