Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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